The D&D 2024 Player's Handbook finally gives in and makes its own Alignment Chart meme

Nothing starts more arguments at my table than a discussion of Alignment. In Dungeons & Dragons, "Alignment" is how you arrange your character on a scale running from Law to Chaos, and from Goodness to Evilness, with Neutrality forming a cross in the middle. You've probably seen this chart before—especially in meme form. 

An alignment chart starts with a set of three-by-three squares. The columns are arranged left to right, going from Lawful, to Neutral, to Chaotic. The rows are arranged top to bottom, going from Good, to Neutral, to Evil. Alignment in D&D asks you to see where your character is arranged on this chart. Are you a Lawful Good paragon? A Chaotic Evil renegade? A true Neutral bastion?

Again, you've seen the memes. Like the pizza alignment chart that declares pepperoni pizza as Neutral Good, New York Style Cheese pizza as Lawful Neutral, or Hawaiian pizza as Neutral Evil. Or perhaps you've seen the cast of Harry Potter arranged on the chart with a Lawful Good Hermione, a True Neutral Severus Snape, or a Chaotic Good Sirius Black.

From pizza toppers to Potter familia, role-playing games have been trying to make sense of characters' moral compass for the entirety of D&D's existence. Yes, ever since Gary Gygax invented the very first role-playing game—D&D—in 1974, alignment has been a thing, despite our arguments and misgivings about its use and misuse in-game.

One mind-bending Alignment debate at my table took place outside of the Low Lantern, a boat tavern permanently docked in the Baldur's Gate harbor. One of my players (we'll call his character "Frank" because that was his name) argued calmly that Frank was not Chaotic nor Evil—he was merely pragmatic. Pragmatic means dealing with things sensibly and realistically in a way that is based on practical rather than theoretical considerations. Therefore, knowing that the bad guy was on the boat, the most pragmatic solution was to burn down the boat and everyone in it. Doing so would ensure the bad guy would be neutralized, thereby doing no further harm to the citizens of the fair city of Baldur's Gate. If a few Low Lantern patrons had to die in the process, Frank argued, that was a small price to pay for all the good he would accomplish by killing the bad guy.

My argument that this was an act both Chaotic and at least a little bit Evil fell on deaf ears. There was a nearly deadly encounter with the Flaming Fist militia that is the faction of law and order in Baldur's Gate. Ultimately, Frank whispered behind the scenes with the other players at the table to obey the Low Lantern owner's Suggestion spell to "calm his teats." And managed to turn one of the Low Lantern's actual lanterns into the catalyst for the burning of the boat tavern. In the end, as the party stood on the wharf and watched the Low Lantern sink beneath the water, the owner informed Frank, "You owe me a new boat," as the bad guy inside went down with the ship.

As the Dungeon Master, I'd torn nearly all my hair out during that scene. But we made a memory. One we still remember fondly to this day.

Look at that Alignment chart up there from the D&D 2024 Player's Handbook. While it reduces the nine-square Alignment chart to something that looks like a four-square setup, all nine Alignments are represented here: Lawful Good, Neutral Good, Chaotic Good, then Lawful Neutral, Neutral, and Chaotic Neutral, and finally Lawful Evil, Neutral Evil, Chaotic Evil.

Instead of pizza pies and Hogwarts alumni, this one is populated with creatures from the PHB's Creature Stat Blocks appendix. In Lawful Good's position is the brand new Sphinx of Wonder. In Chaotic Good's spot is actually the Neutral Good Sprite. In Lawful Evil's corner is the Imp. And the Quasit slinks into Chaotic Evil.

Also (and this is quietly brilliant) there is a chart of Personality Traits by Alignment. Personality Traits are gone in D&D 2024. At least in the way D&D 5e used to present Personality Traits alongside a character's Ideals, Bonds, and Flaws. Instead, with this Personality Traits by Alignment chart, you get a handful of one-word descriptions that, well, align with your Alignment. 

• Chaotic's associated traits are 1) Boastful, 2) Impulsive, 3) Rebellious, 4) Self-absorbed
• Good's associated traits are 1) Compassionate, 2) Helpful, 3) Honest, 4) Kind

...And so on, with Evil, Lawful, and Neutral. You can pick any one (or all) of the Alignment traits that make the most sense for your character. Or you let a four-sided die pick for you.

The reason these one-world associated traits are excellent is because it gives you just enough to start role-playing with, but doesn't give you so much that it's restrictive to role-play with. In D&D 5e, Personality Traits were concise but restraining. They said things like:

• I idolize a particular hero of my faith, and constantly refer to that person's deeds and example.
• I believe that anything worth doing is worth doing right. I can't help it—I'm a perfectionist.
• I'm driven by a wanderlust that led me away from home.

Okay? But as concise as those are, they're still overly specific. How many role-playing situations have you acting out in the manner of your particular hero? How many role-playing scenarios require a perfectionist's answer from you? And sure, you've got wanderlust. But as D&D characters, don't we all? Besides, you probably forgot all about your Personality Traits by the time you hit 2nd level.

Instead of trying to shoehorn in your idol, or your Type A fixation, or your desire to visit Waterdeep one day, you can now bring in adjectives as simple as "Boastful" or "Kind" into any and every scenario. That's how others would describe you anyway. Your favorite NPC isn't going to say, "Well, Frank believed that anything worth doing was worth doing right. He couldn't help it—he was a perfectionist." Instead, when questioned by the Flaming Fist in an ongoing arson and multiple counts of manslaughter investigation, NPCs will describe Frank as selfish, disinterested, laconic, or, dare I say, pragmatic.

Being 6th level in their current Dragonlance campaign, my player-characters' personalities are already starting to gel. But I will bring this Personality Traits by Alignment chart into my next campaign during Session 0. Can characters change and grow? Absolutely. But this refocused Alignment, coupled with these new heavily pared-down Personality Traits, make for just the right amount of character building to start things off on the right foot.

We're about one month away: the D&D 2024 Player's Handbook is due on store shelves September 17, 2024. But I'm finally seeing why Alignment will soon get Step 4 all to itself during the character creation process.