Straight Scoop Vol.1, No. 8

Straight Scoop Vol.1, No. 8

Written by Michael Askounes on 10/28/2002 for
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Hello everyone, and thanks for stopping in once again for another edition of The Straight Scoop! Things have been crazy in my once-sleepy town of Frederick, MD as yesterday – not 10 minutes from my house – a horde of FBI, ATF, and Maryland State Police descended on a local truck stop to apprehend the D.C. Sniper. I can tell you that the snipers are lucky they weren’t spotted by a truck full of drunken rednecks first (commonplace here in Frederick), as they wouldn’t have had left anything for the cops to arrest. Anyhow, as you could probably imagine, we’re all breathing a small sigh of relief now that the gunmen have been caught.

On to The Straight Scoop… remember that this is an editorial take on the news, so the author (that’s me!) will definitely make his opinions known and will try to put more of a gamer’s perspective on the news as opposed to the usual PR Department-driven copy that you usually find on the ‘Net and in print. We hope you enjoy the Scoop, and welcome your feedback as well as your financial contributions. Not necessarily in that order…

As always, if I decide a story is not interesting enough I completely reserve the right to make stuff up.... If you’ve got any “dirt” you want to share with me, or just want to give me a hard time, contact me at

Lay down all thoughts… surrender to the void…
Monday, October 21

Bulletin! Bulletin! Bulletin! Squaresoft has confirmed what most already know – that Final Fantasy X-2 is indeed in development for the PS2, and is set for a March 2003 release in Japan (which means that we’ll get it in America sometime in 2010).

The news was not without surprises though, as it was also announced that X-2 would be a sequel to Final Fantasy X, and will cast Yuna (from X) as its main character. This marks the first true sequel in the series, and also is the first time Square has used a female protagonist. Yuna’s character was a priestess in X, although judging from early screenshots it looks as if her church has just made it mandatory to wear super tight “Daisy Duke”-style shorts and carry dual handguns. Aaah… now there’s a religion I could get into!

Microsoft is threatening to pull all its X-Box’s from Australian soil due to a recent court ruling legalizing mod-chip manufacturing. Steve Ballmer – who I think runs the janitorial services at Microsoft or something – said that unless the Aussie legal system provides more protection against pirating, it just wouldn’t make economic sense to continue to sell the X-Box on that continent. In my opinion, this would be an awful development, as it would keep all our friends “down under” from enjoying classic X-Box titles such as Halo and… erm… uh…

I’ll get back to you on that…

Tuesday, October 22

Electronic Arts has announced that X-Box and Gamecube ports of its popular PS2 title Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers would be available at retail outlets before the end of the year. The game allows players to assume the roles of Aragorn, Gimli, or Legolas as they adventure through 13 orc-infested levels on a quest to find out why anyone would buy the Fellowship of the Ring 2-DVD Special Edition when they knew a 4-DVD package was going to be released a few months later.

The guy who works at the Dunkin’ Donuts down the street broke into my house to inform me that Eidos was pushing back the release date of its upcoming PS2 title Tomb Raider: Check Out Those Cans back to February 2003.

Originally, the title – actually called Tomb Raider: A Few Dollars More – was set to be released in time for Christmas. However, the date was pushed back in order to give the Tomb Raider: Who Asked for Another Sequel? team time to solidify the upcoming title. There is no truth to the rumor that I just made up that the delay was due to the PC team wanting to wait for Microsoft’s DirectX 10, which supposedly will include support for “native hardware breast jiggling.”
Wednesday, October 23

Ubisoft announced that its action/sports X-Box title Deathrow has shipped to retailers nationwide. The game features a mix between a futuristic team sport and deadly melee fighting elements, and allows you to win by either scoring more goals than the opponent or by simply beating the living hell out of the opposing players. National Hockey League commissioner Gary Bettman was unavailable for comment.

Globalstar Software released a curling simulation titled Takeout Weight Curling today. Sometimes you just can’t make this stuff up…

Xicat Interactive’s unfortunately timed Sniper: Path of Vengeance was understandably pulled from Walmart shelves in the Washington DC are due to the sniper shootings taking place in that area. This is consistent with the pulling of SimMayor: Crack Addict that occurred in the area around 15 years ago. Hey, the bitch set him up!

Thursday, October 24

Nintendo finally revealed what it has in store for folks who use the link cable to connect Gameboy Advance’s Metroid Fusion to the upcoming Metroid Prime for the Gamecube. However, they didn’t tell us at Gaming Nexus, so we’re assuming what will happen is that you will be sucked into an alternate universe where Nintendo actually has a responsive and helpful PR department.

Just joking, Nintendo! Remember… we kid because we love!!!

In a blatant attempt to suck up to Nintendo after that last news blurb, I’m proud to announce that Konami’s incredibly fantastic console RPG Suikoden III shipped to stores today. Of course, that doesn’t really help me with Nintendo because it’s a PS2 title…

In other news, my mother moved in with my wife and I today… and will apparently be staying with us for a few months. So, if any of you have a basement I can sleep in when my wife throws me out of the house in a couple of weeks, please e-mail me at I don’t eat much…

Friday, October 25

Folks who visit Blizzard’s website at can see a new gameplay trailer for their upcoming X-Box title, Starcraft: Ghost. Judging from the looks of things, it certainly seems that Blizzard is ready to deliver a must-have action/strategy title for the X-Box. Is it just me (or “Is it just I” for those of you using Microsoft’s grammar checker), or does it feel like the X-Box is really starting to gather up some steam for a run at the Playstation 2? I’ll have to think that over as I spend my evenings playing Animal Crossing, Mario Sunshine, and Eternal Darkness

A 75-year old Minnesota man was shot on a hunting expedition by none other than his faithful dog (named “Sonny”) when the pooch accidentally stepped on the man’s 12-guage shotgun as the hunter lined up dead birds he’d killed for a photograph. The man received 15 stitches at a local hospital and is expected to make a full recovery. Sonny – lighting up a fresh cigar and sipping on a bone-dry martini - commented after the incident, “That was just a warning. Next time that cheap f*cker feeds me dry food, I’ll take his goddamn head off. Humping his leg was apparently too subtle for the old coot.

That’s all for this week, check back next Monday morning for the next edition! Same Game Time… Same Game Channel!

* The product in this article was sent to us by the developer/company.

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