A couple of years back there was a cheesy little game called Pyst
. It was a short game that parodied the hit PC game Myst
by recycling the same sequences and puzzles but making it more noticeable to the gamer. Interestingly enough, the Myst
series has reached a third entry and it is only until now that the company behind the game has in fact, become a parody of itself.
The first Myst
game wowed stoners and infants through the use of what I like to call “Post-Card technology.” By essentially providing the gamer with a semi-interactive slideshow, the game sold like hotcakes, mainly catering to the mainstream audience who could care less about the fact that the title lacked the most basic fundamental components of a video game. You know, curious things like, gameplay, a plot and structure. Of course there was a sequel, Riven
, that allowed you to scroll the static images to give you the perception of being in a real-life locale. So basically, they zoomed in the images to give the image that you could actually move around. Wow, fantastic. Of course, since only idiots purchased the game, it went on to sell like hotcakes and thus, the geniuses behind the game decided to make another sequel, Exile
Seriously, the only thing that rivals the Myst
series in simplicity and stupidity is The Sims
and not surprisingly, that game resides on the tops of the sales charts. There’s a storyline to the game but I doubt that the people who buy this game will be interested in learning more about it. This game is basically a pop-up killer simulator except you control the pointer with your Dual Shock 2. Damn Sony for not including an Alt-F4 function for their PS2, damn their black hearts! Gameplay is well, non-existent. In case the Dual Shock’s analog stick isn’t precise enough for the game’s many pixel hunting sequences there is included support for a USB mouse. There are a few puzzles here and there but really, how challenging do you really expect them to be? It’s a glorified slideshow; don’t expect some awesome or challenging brain teasers here because you’ll be disappointed. So if you like to click the little X’s on the corners of the boxes in Windows then this just might be your bag. Then again, if you’re willing to own up to it then you’re probably one hell of a loser.
Graphics are probably the main highlight of the game and to be honest, the game also fails in this department. It looks more like a glorified Shockwave presentation than a well-produced video game. The game features full motion video actors superimposed a static backdrop. I’m giving the artists their due, the backgrounds are pretty nice but then again, weren’t the backdrops in Final Fantasy 7
rather nice? The actors are just plain bad and feature perhaps some of the weakest film quality to appear in a PS2 game this year. I’m talking horrendous, I thought that I had somehow fallen into a timewarp and was transported back into 1997. Oh wait, games in 1997 featured better graphics and gameplay. Of course all the acting is played on a continuous loop so you’ll no doubt notice the jitter as the video sequence replays itself while you’re hunting for that miniscule pixel.
Oh and make sure to hold on to that weed, because you won’t be able to hear the vocals unless you’ve got it. The vocal levels are far too low and are always drowned out by the rest of the game’s audio. As much as I love to tune people out in the real world it’s rather different when it comes to video games. It’s always nice to hear people every once in awhile, you know, to know what the hell is going on and everything. This is quite sad too because the game features an excellent score by famed composer, Jack Wall. Who Jack Wall is I could care less, but he’s damn good at what he does, and that’s putting out an excellent soundtrack that tries it’s damndest to hold this game together. Sadly it forgets that this is a Myst
game and that no amounts of help could possibly save it.
This is one of those games that could scar your kids for life and eternally turn them against you. Seriously, the only people who should be buying this game are stoners who have become tired of staring at their hands. There are tons of bright and vibrant colors that will do well to mess with their heads. Other than that, there isn’t much else here. Don’t make the mistake of buying this game for your kids this holiday season, they’ll hate you forever. Buy it for that bastard nephew that you hate instead, maybe it’ll drive him away once and for all. Do yourself a favor and hunt down a copy of Pyst
, sure it’ll only give you 20 minutes or so of entertaining gameplay, but that’s 20 more minutes than Myst III
will give you.
Who really wants to play a semi-interactive postcard? Seriously, this game is a horrendous piece of trash that should be avoided at all costs.
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